do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
