your thong is hanging out like whoa
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I am available for nakedness
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
