the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
