well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
