I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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