Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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