I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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