im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
