I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
