you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
