It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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