I cannot find my penis.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
