I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
