can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
