he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
