god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
do herpes really smell.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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