She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
