I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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