Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
