in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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