sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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