Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
