I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
