I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Alive.
So much puke
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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