There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
