you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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