I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
