You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
