thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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