i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
