he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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