My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
