It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Still dying that you shit outside
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
