I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
