so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
