I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
