I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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