It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
