It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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