I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
