i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
