I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
