Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
