He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Did you pee in the oven last night??
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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