In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
