U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
