I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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