3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
where are you?
Hypothermia
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
