hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
