I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
