I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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