just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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