guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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