wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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