it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
