I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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