i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
