i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
