Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
