why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
