So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
