I hate your face
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have already put on my inside pants.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
