woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's shark week go big or go home
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
