WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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