At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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