remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
