1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
