my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
