My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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