Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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