Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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