Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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